Of Marriage and No on Prop 8 and Republicans

"The institution of marriage can only be strengthened by allowing everyone to participate in its rights and responsibilities."
— from the Republicans Against 8 web site

Wow, August blew by and we're getting seriously into September. Mrs. Leaping Woman and I have been thoroughly enjoying our marital bliss. We set up our No on Prop 8 fundraising wedding registry and I started volunteering for the campaign. Last Tuesday I went through phone bank training. They gave us all lists of names to call but told us to start with the numbers on our cell phones. I was able to sign up a phone bank volunteer and get some donations from friends, but unfortunately I'd forgotten to bring my phone headset. My gimpy arms gave out before I could get to the calls to strangers, and four days later I've almost recovered. So next time I'll be sure to bring it.

When K and I were married in July, our best friends P&R played a big role in our small ceremony. Tomorrow, we are "best women" for theirs. I've been practicing writing my Hebrew name and my parents' so that I can witness the ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract. It took a little research with my sisters and the Internet to nail down the right names and their spellings, and it's been fun to learn. As a culinary Jew (i.e., primarily I eat my favorite foods that go with each holiday) this is something I've never had to do before.

The November election on Proposition 8 is going to be extremely close. If you support marriage equality, here's how you can help:

• First and foremost, if you live in California vote "No" on Proposition 8 this November.
  
• Make a donation to the No on Prop 8 campaign.
  
• Talk to 10 people and ask them to talk to 10 people. You'll find talking points in the No on 8 FAQ.
  
• Click on Vow to Vote No to have your commitment to marriage equality counted.
  
• Visit http://noonprop8.com/action/ to learn more about what you can do to protect marriage equality.

Oh, and about the quote at the top... I'm not a Republican but I am happy to know that there are marriage equality advocates among them. Republicans Against 8 was founded by the Log Cabin Republicans, a coalition of LGBT Republicans and their allies. Although it makes sense that there are LGBT voters in both the Democratic and Republican parties, I'll confess that the Log Cabin Republicans have always mystified me, as does their statement that "Gov. Palin is an inclusive Republican who will help Sen. McCain appeal to gay and lesbian voters." I see abortion rights and LGBT rights as inextricably tied. The same people who want to deny women the right to make our own decisions about whether and when to carry a pregnancy to term want to deny LGBT citizens the rights to love and marry the people we choose. I don't understand how anyone who thinks that abortion should be illegal even in cases of rape and incest can appeal to any lesbian voter. Not this one, anyway.

North America Bridal Tour 2008

"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
— Amy Bloom

Our dear friend MGH paraphrased this quote when she officiated at our wedding ceremony. After 17 years together, we find it exciting to be legally wed at last. My wife (I love writing that!) and I are on vacation now, taking what we have come to call our North American Bridal Tour. It started when our dear friends Les Gals recast a planned outing one week after the wedding into a champagne tea at the Ritz Carlton in San Francisco. We donned our wedding outfits and Jan made sweet wedding favors with pink and white Jordan almonds. The tea was fabulous, and afterwards we posed for a group photo in the lobby and talked about Photoshopping them into the wedding photos.

Next stop on the tour was Chicago for dinner with family and a night at the Ardmore House B&B. Then off to Mishawaka to see Mom, my sister E and niece H. We modeled our wedding outfits for them, showed the wedding ceremony video, and took a family picture, pondering the best poses for Photoshopping them in. Back to Chicago for another family dinner, and then to Aunt P's apartment. Again we donned our wedding finery and showed the video, took more family photos, and dug into a two-tier "wedding cake" that my sister F and niece G constructed from a cheesecake and a decadent chocolate affair from Whole Foods.

Now we're in Halifax for K's family reunion. We're planning to do it again (outfits, video, photo), probably before Saturday's barbecue. I'm hoping everyone will participate but won't be surprised (disappointed, yes, but not surprised) if not everyone does. I've been accepted into the family (it's been 17 years now, after all) but there are some religious beliefs that still present barriers. But I hope everyone will come. I still love hearing the ceremony, to which MGH had also added this powerful quote from the civil rights movement:

"The right to marry whoever one wishes is an elementary human right compared to which "the right to attend an integrated school, the right to sit where one pleases on a bus, the right to go into any hotel or recreation area or place of amusement, regardless of one's skin or color or race" are minor indeed. Even political rights, like the right to vote, and nearly all other rights enumerated in the Constitution, are secondary to the inalienable human rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence; and to this category the right to home and marriage unquestionably belongs."
— Hannah Arendt in Dissent, Winter 1959

Our Wedding

Taking Another Leap!

“In light of the fundamental nature of the substantive rights embodied in the right to marry — and their central importance to an individual’s opportunity to live a happy, meaningful, and satisfying life as a full member of society — the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all individuals and couples, without regard to their sexual orientation.”
-- Chief Justice Ronald M. George, the California Supreme Court ruling

This blog began when I took the big leap of quitting my job. My next notable leap will be into legally wedded bliss. Of course after 17 years together, we already feel like an old married couple. But it stung when our previous marriage (San Francisco City Hall, President's Day, 2004) was nullified by the state, and we've been longing ever since to hear those words again, "By the power vested in me ..." So we're taking the leap and will be married in late July. And we're really excited about it!

Of course, there is work to be done. We've selected and reserved a meaningful location, settled on the scope (very small), picked a date and (a few hours ago) the time. Our dear friend MG, who notes she will be the only person (other than me) who has been at all of my weddings (1987, 2004, and 2008), will be deputized to officiate. A very few close friends and KJ's two local siblings will join us. We've done a little clothes shopping, knowing that whatever we buy will become our dressy outfits for the next n years. The question has arisen of the vows, but I am mostly in denial about that.

All this is goes on while my family is in a bubbling cauldron of change, with both my elderly aunt and my mother planning moves, one sister changing jobs, miscellaneous health problems, etc.. Keeping the wedding plans simple reserves time, energy and money for these other transitions. For me, planning our wedding is a joyous bright spot that helps keep me centered through all the turmoil.

We still have plenty of work ahead to defeat the November ballot initiative, so we've chosen to keep our wedding small and low-cost and put our money into the fight to keep our right to be married, and to extend that right to other same-sex couples. I'm starting to get questions about which charities are the most appropriate for wedding gift donations. I have a couple at the top of my list (Equality California and National Center for Lesbian Rights) and am open to suggestions of others. I'll include donation links in a follow-up post when I have more information and when we have one or more registries set up.