North America Bridal Tour 2008

"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
— Amy Bloom

Our dear friend MGH paraphrased this quote when she officiated at our wedding ceremony. After 17 years together, we find it exciting to be legally wed at last. My wife (I love writing that!) and I are on vacation now, taking what we have come to call our North American Bridal Tour. It started when our dear friends Les Gals recast a planned outing one week after the wedding into a champagne tea at the Ritz Carlton in San Francisco. We donned our wedding outfits and Jan made sweet wedding favors with pink and white Jordan almonds. The tea was fabulous, and afterwards we posed for a group photo in the lobby and talked about Photoshopping them into the wedding photos.

Next stop on the tour was Chicago for dinner with family and a night at the Ardmore House B&B. Then off to Mishawaka to see Mom, my sister E and niece H. We modeled our wedding outfits for them, showed the wedding ceremony video, and took a family picture, pondering the best poses for Photoshopping them in. Back to Chicago for another family dinner, and then to Aunt P's apartment. Again we donned our wedding finery and showed the video, took more family photos, and dug into a two-tier "wedding cake" that my sister F and niece G constructed from a cheesecake and a decadent chocolate affair from Whole Foods.

Now we're in Halifax for K's family reunion. We're planning to do it again (outfits, video, photo), probably before Saturday's barbecue. I'm hoping everyone will participate but won't be surprised (disappointed, yes, but not surprised) if not everyone does. I've been accepted into the family (it's been 17 years now, after all) but there are some religious beliefs that still present barriers. But I hope everyone will come. I still love hearing the ceremony, to which MGH had also added this powerful quote from the civil rights movement:

"The right to marry whoever one wishes is an elementary human right compared to which "the right to attend an integrated school, the right to sit where one pleases on a bus, the right to go into any hotel or recreation area or place of amusement, regardless of one's skin or color or race" are minor indeed. Even political rights, like the right to vote, and nearly all other rights enumerated in the Constitution, are secondary to the inalienable human rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence; and to this category the right to home and marriage unquestionably belongs."
— Hannah Arendt in Dissent, Winter 1959

Trains, Feminists, and Symphonies

"When I care to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."
– Audre Lorde (1934-1992)

I've always enjoyed train travel, but even more so now that flying has become such a drag. So I'd planned to blog about the sights and sounds of yesterday's ride on the Wolverine line from my big sisters in Chicago to my kid sister in small-town Michigan. It was a mellow and relaxing ride brightened by late autumn leaves and the mingled soundtracks of the train and my iPod. But when I had settled in at her place and logged on, my plans were derailed.

Before settling in to blog, I thought I'd catch up on email and some of my favorite web sites. While doing so I ran across yet another woman who felt the need to declare that she is "not a feminist" in order to make sure no one thinks she's one of those threatening man-haters. I'm going to make a big assumption here that if you're reading my blog you can understand why those words were like fingernails on a blackboard to me.

So my reaction – after "Arrrrrrggghhh!!!" – was to go surfing for inspiration and hope and counteractive definitions of feminism that would make it so obvious that every self-respecting woman of any age would immediately want to buy one of those great t-shirts that say "This is what a feminist looks like" and that a goodly number of men would do so as well. My surfing led me to 1001 Feminist Quotes (e.g, "Feminism is for everybody." - Bell Hooks and "In my heart, I think a woman has two choices: either she's a feminist or a masochist." — Gloria Steinem) and I started to feel a lot better.

Then my sister came in and got me giggling by reading aloud a timely passage from Ivy Briefs, True Tales of a Neurotic Law Student by Martha Kimes, on how difficult it is to keep one's attention to one's studies, and I was reminded that I had intended to write but instead had spent all my time web-surfing. I signed off without blogging and watched a video with the family instead.

Fast forward to this evening when my niece played clarinet in a symphony performance. It was a great concert; she had fun and played well, and then we all went out to dinner. As we drove home, I thought again about why I'm a feminist. Not only because I'm a woman but because I have sisters and nieces and because there is a world full of wonderful and inspiring women and girls who should not ever be considered or treated as second-class citizens. I sat down to get back to my blogging but first went back to the source of the "not a feminist" comment that I'd followed off-track last night. A lively discussion had followed that comment and it had resolved fairly well. I breathed a sigh of relief. Leaping Woman would not have to leap into the fray. After all, I'm on vacation.

Thanks to my sister for the boost I got when, while sighing with relief, I looked down and saw my blog bookmarked on her desktop. Sisterhood is powerful!

Tomorrow, I'm back on the train to spend a couple of days with Mom. When I fly, the trip is just a means to an end. When I take the train, the journey is part of the fun. Maybe I'll tell you about it when I get there. Maybe.