Comfort Karma

"As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it."
— Mahatma Gandhi

We've just finished day one of ABI's TechLeaders: Power and Influence workshop featuring the fabulous Jo Miller, CEO of Women’s Leadership Coaching. I'm so energized by the great group of women, the amazing collective wisdom in the room, and the generosity with which it is shared. One of my conversations at the reception this evening turned to the subject of how to get yourself — or a friend — out of a funk. That reminded me of this list we brainstormed in a Success for Women workshop at a former employer:

How to Break Out of a Downward Spiral

• Brainstorm alternatives
• Find support
• Consider the worst possible outcome: How realistic is it?
  
• Recognize that you are stuck
• Persistence
• Take baby steps, and own each success
• Take away the safety net
• Address fear and get it over with
• Take action
• Just take "10 minutes"
• Know yourself and your priorities

Of course, what works for you or for me is personal and can vary widely. Certainly the third bullet is not for everyone. The idea is that when you stop and think about the worst possible outcome, often you'll realize that it's not so horrific — you could handle it. But if thinking about the worst possible outcome is what makes you go into a downward spiral, try another method.

Just take "10 minutes" requires a bit of explanation. This wise woman's method was to give herself ten minutes to wallow in whatever she was feeling, and then move on. If I recall correctly, she may have even set a timer. I've since heard others recommend this method.

Years before that Success workshop, another group of women had offered their advice on how to get through a difficult transition in my life. One said, "Make a list of things you can do when you're wide awake at 4:00 in the morning." On the next occurrence of such a night, the first thing I did was sit down and draft that list of things I could do in the middle of the night. Then I picked an item off the list and did that until I'd calmed down enough to get some sleep.

Another said, "Make a list of friends you can call at 4:00 in the morning." Some of them offered to be on that list. I never actually called anyone at 4:00 in the morning, but knowing I could helped me through some very rough nights. It was so helpful to me that I've made the same offer in return and to others. Call it comfort karma.

That transition was completed and the paper with the list is long gone. But I have saved the How to Break Out of a Downward Spiral list for years. Partly because it's comforting just knowing that I have such a list. Partly to share with others in need, which I have on more than one occasion.

To use the list, it helps to think of the unwritten first and last items on it:

1. Remember to look at your How to Break Out of a Downward Spiral list.
...
n. What else could go on this list?